Six private lessons to remember

 Lesson 1

      A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings. After a few seconds of arguing over which one should go and answer the doorbell, the wife gives up, quickly wraps herself up in a towel and runs downstairs.  

              When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel that you're wearing." After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. A few seconds later Bob hands her 800 dollars and leaves.

                 Confused, but excited about her good fortune, the woman wraps back up in the towel and returns upstairs. When she gets back to the bathroom, her husband asks from the shower, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "Did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?"

  Moral of the story: If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk well enough in time with your stakeholders, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2

                    A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road. He stopped and offered her a lift, which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident.

                After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. But whilst changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."   

                      Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up Psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: Always be well informed in your job,

or you might miss a great opportunity.

 Lesson 3

                   A sales rep, a female administration clerk and the company manager are walking to lunch when they suddenly find an antique oil lamp. They pick it up, rub it and in a flash a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."  

                   "Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

                     In absolute astonishment the sales rep says, "Me next! Me next! I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

                     "OK, it's your turn," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."  

 Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

 Lesson 4

                       A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" The crow answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of a sudden a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting all day and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

 Lesson 5

.

                         A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, but I haven't got the energy." "Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

                         The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night, there he was, proudly perched at the top of the tree. Not long after he was spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.

Lesson 6

                          A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm it was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the chirping sounds, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, then promptly dug him out and ate him. 

Moral of the story

Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

 Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.  

  And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!

Jerry Raji from Dubaï

Les bons mots de campagne

"Quand le moment est venu, l'heure est arrivée"

(Raymond Barre,  pour lequel on pourra avoir une pensée ainsi que pour son épouse Eva et leurs deux fils Olivier et Nicolas). 
   
"Même en avion, nous serons tous dans le même bateau"

(Jacques Toubon). 
   
"Voici que s'avance l'immobilisme et, nous ne savons pas comment l'arrêter"

(Edgar Faure)

 
"Je me demande si l'on n'en a pas trop fait pour les obsèques de François Mitterrand. Je ne me souviens pas qu'on en ait fait autant pour Giscard."

(André Santini). 
   
"La meilleure façon de résoudre le chômage, c'est de travailler"

(Raymond Barre). 
   
"Il est plus facile de céder son siège à une femme dans l'autobus qu'à l'Assemblée nationale"

(Laurent Fabius). 
   
"Villepin fait tout, je fais le reste"

(Renaud Muselier). 
   
"Cette semaine, le gouvernement fait un sans faute; il est vrai que nous ne sommes que mardi"

(François Goulard). 
   
"Il doit bien rester un angle de tir pour la paix"

(Bernard Kouchner). 
  

"La moitié du nuage d'ozone qui sévit dans la région parisienne est d'importation anglaise et allemande"

(Roselyne Bachelot).
   
"C'est l'union d'un postier et d'une timbrée"

(Dominique Strauss-Kahn, à propos de l'alliance LO-LCR).
   
"A mon âge, l'immortalité est devenue une valeur-refuge"

(Valéry Giscard d'Estaing, reçu à l'Académie Française).
   
"Je ne suis candidat à rien"

(Nicolas Sarkozy).
   
"C'est un texte facilement lisible, limpide et assez joliment écrit : je le dis d'autant plus aisément que c'est moi qui l'ai écrit"

(Valéry Giscard d'Estaing au sujet du projet de Constitution Européenne).
   
"C'est une bonne idée d'avoir choisi le référendum, à condition que la réponse soit oui"

(Valéry Giscard d'Estaing sur le même sujet).
   
"Si Bush et Thatcher avaient eu un enfant ensemble, ils l'auraient appelé Sarkozy"

(Robert Hue).
   
"J'étais partisan du non, mais face à la montée du non, je vote oui"

(Manuel Valls).
   
"Que l'on soit pour ou contre la Turquie, on ne pourra pas changer  l'endroit où elle se trouve"

(Michel Barnier). 
   
"Les veuves vivent plus longtemps que leurs conjoints"

(Jean-Pierre Raffarin). 
   
"Le pétrole est une ressource inépuisable qui va se faire de plus en plus rare"

(Dominique de Villepin). 
   
"Même quand je ne dis rien, cela fait du bruit"

(Ségolène Royal). 
   
"Une alliance PS / PCF au 2ème tour ? En tout cas, ça serait un Buffet Royal !"

(Anonyme)

"La Gourde,

j'en ai rien à siffler"

la dernière brève du chef de cabinet Erit Bresson